lordy lordy lordy. I just need a place to write instead of cramping all my words onto paper I steal from the library then throw out into the "mixed paper recycling bin". What happened to the days of notebooks(I kept halfway but extensively). I'm now dumber like a draft that catches fire without words.

I honestly just want to do good with the world, be productive like the little machine I think someone out there wants me to be. But I get stuck on hating work, I get stuck on time theft, I'm a bad person because I steal time. I saw Melanie today for Abba's Thanksgiving 2 days after the real Thanksgiving. It was so nice making fun of the radio...of realizing how awesome beyonce is and how me being a cynical douche bag have never appreciated her. My time with Mel is precious and spent on nothing, the last time Rachel, Mel and and I regrouped was this summer and that was spent in a car go figure.

I miss Rachel. She's the closest thing to a sister I ever had and now she's in what I imagine to be chilly Illinois pole dancing or whatever. Bonding is a day to day thing, noticing the light off someone's hair or the rumble of someone's tummy tucked between the sheets of a narrow bed. We don't have that anymore.

I wrote my mock letter to Andrew, turned out to be more depressing than I actually felt. Be thankful holly!